[LM_NET] totally OT: special ed adult child

[Dawn Sardes <yayagoddess@SBCGLOBAL.NET>]

I know this is totally off topic for this list, but I've reached the end of my rope 
and there is no place else to go.  I can only figure that in a group this size, 
there must be someone who has dealt with this themselves or had students like this.
 
My daughter, age 21, spent her entire school career in special ed.  She graduated 
with a high school diploma in 2002.  At age 3, she was diagnosed with global 
aphasia, but because we moved a lot, upon entering various districts, soem of the 
district psychologists told me that she might be a high functioning autistic, have 
Asperger Syndrome,  be PDDNOS (Pervasive Developmental Disability, Not otherwise 
specified), etc. etc. etc.
 
My Niki is the nicest, sweetest kid in the world.  Very naive.  She often does not 
realize that people are maknig fun of her and thinks they are being nice.  Often, 
in social situations, she mistakes the attitude and tone of voice of shop-keepers, 
waitresses, etc as being rude when they are being perfectly nice, and as being nice 
when they are being rude.  Her manner of speech, at times, is very inappropriate.  
She can sound "snippy" when she thinks she is being nice and vise versa.
 
The problem is that she presents well.  She can get through a fifteen minute job 
interview, but after getting a job, she is generally fired after a few weeks.  She 
has, in the past few years, been lost jobs at Walmart, three supermarkets, 
Blockbuster video, lowe's hardware, and these are only the ones I remember.
 
Today she got let go from Target.  The reason?  Typical of all the firings.  The HR 
manager pulled her in when she came in this morning and told her that the assistant 
manager documented that when she worked in the hot dog stand, she upset a customer 
who was complaining about tax on a hot dog.  My daughter did, indeed, work at the 
hot dog stand that evening, but she was in the back preparing food and the manager 
of the stand got in the altercation with the customer.  There was one incident when 
she was working on the registers wher ea customer made a formal complaint that Miki 
had "slighted" her child.  Niki says that all she did was look at the child and say 
"Hi Cutie, how are you tonight."  It might have been she used an inappropriate tone 
of voice.  (I can't believe that someone thinks so damn highly of themselves and 
their kid that they would actually go through the trouble of making a formal 
complaint on some poor minimum wage cashier who has been working her butt off f!
 or 12
 hours on the day after Thanksgiving.  Must be nice to be so perfect.)
 
Also, the HR manager said that "someone" reported that Niki was overheard to be 
saying bad things about a team leader.  Ninki denied it because she knows that 
because of past problems, she does not "make friends" at work, and avoids all 
conversations about anything and anyone.  She makes comments about topics like the 
weather and when other employees start trash talking other employees and managers, 
she makes an excuse to absent herself.
 
In short, this HR person and the rest of the store management put together a pack 
of lies and dumped her.  But, the same thing happened at other jobs.  My poor girl 
is so lost right now.  She is in her room crying and so hurt and I can barely type 
from crying over her pain.  
 
It is so hard to see your child get rejected all her life, and only accepted by 
those who want to take advantage of her and hurt her.  She had one boyfriend--in 
her senior year--who turned out to be an abusive manipulative user who beat and 
raped her.  Now she stays away from boys.
 
Since graduating in 2002, she has been attending the local community college part 
time.  She takes blow-off courses and the only reason I keep paying the tuition is 
because a disabled child can stay on my health insurance until age 25 if enrolled 
at least part time in college.  She does fairly poorly.  Mostly C's. We joke that 
this makes her eligible to be President of the United States.
 
The sad thing is that she really wants to get a four year degree in business 
management, she wants to marry and have a family, and denies the fact that none of 
her dreams are, most likely, ever going to come true.  She just goes around 
confused as to shy people are mean to her.
 
I have a mentally retarded brother who is on social security and lives in a group 
home.  My Niki is not disabled enough to receive that level of services.  But 
neither is she able to actually ever--ever hold a job and make a living wage for 
herself with health benefits.  She is unable to even keep her bedroom clean, or 
clothes organized.
 
There must be other people out there like us--parents who are faced with growing 
older and worrying about what is going to happen to their child. I fear that she 
will end up freezing to death on a park bench after her father and I are gone. What 
do families with this problem do?  How do they ensure that their child will be 
safe, cared for?  We are not wealthy, so there is no huge inheritance we can put in 
trust for her.  Everything we have, life insurance, our home, will, of course, go 
to her, but who is going to manage it?  I have no family to trust with my precious 
girl.
 
I am just so frightened and worried all the time.  This is a hell of a burden to be 
carrying when faced with entering the final phase of your life.


Dawn Sardes
Teen Services Librarian
Euclid Public Library
Euclid, OH
yayagoddess@sbcglobal.net.omit.this

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